you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
