My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
