had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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