my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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