The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I could fuck to npr.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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