I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
