I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
