I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
