Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
