lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
