3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
love makes seman taste better
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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