we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
