so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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