So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize