She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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