Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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