Will you blow on my dice?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
