my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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