No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize