you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
