So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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