Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
