You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize