In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
