Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
