new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
