Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
