i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
