Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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