How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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