If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
