she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
