he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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