I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
