ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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