apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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