well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
