part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
