I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
this hospital has no fireball
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
