Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
