Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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