I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
