I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
