great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
