WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
