i can't believe i had my finger in that
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
