She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
