no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
