Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
