Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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