why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
