apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
