i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
