I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
