someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize