Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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