u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
