Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The struggles of a small town man whore
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