I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
