That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
