Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
