I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
