she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
