Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize