I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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