I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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