brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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